The Bench

An empty park. One lone bench inscribed with something.

VOICE 1
An insufficient monument. To humanity.
 

VOICE 2
A beast.
 

VOICE 1
He was the worst man I've encountered.
 

VOICE 2
Insufferable.
 

VOICE 1
Yes.
 

Pause.
 

VOICE 1
No, worse: Unpleasant and totally self-aware.
 

VOICE 2
A monster.
 

VOICE 1
Of the highest category.
 

VOICE 2
I spotted him once, torturing a cat by the railroad track.
 

Pause.
 

VOICE 2
Of course, I couldn't do anything.
 

VOICE 1
Of course you couldn't. There's not an ounce of flesh on those imaginary bones. How could you be expected to intervene?
 

VOICE 2
And even then, intervention's not the key. It's a lock that's unbreakable.
 

VOICE 1
Yes, even with the right kind of cunning.
 

VOICE 2
Impossibility is such a tired concept.
 

VOICE 1
That it is. Hollow and sad like the wind.
 

A gust of wind blows. Leaves from a nearby tree fall onto the bench.
An ELDERLY COUPLE enter right of stage and slowly walk over to the bench.
After much deliberation, they sit down.
The OLD MAN rubs his legs.
 

OLD MAN
Bloody Hell, thank God we finally came across a bench that wasn't sporting two of those insipid youths rotting each others faces off. Desperate for lust. For feeling.
 

Silence. The OLD WOMAN has fallen asleep.
 

OLD MAN
Alice!
 

The OLD WOMAN, ALICE, awakes.
 

ALICE
Yes DEREK? Just dropped off.
 

DEREK
Like a shitting light you were. Out.
 

ALICE chuckles.
 

ALICE
Yes, a light. Out.
 

DEREK
I felt rather lonely. For that second you were gone.
 

Pause.
 

DEREK
Did you dream?
 

Pause. ALICE considers the question thoughtfully.

Finally:

 

ALICE
Of course I didn't, ya silly fool. What's left to dream about? We're nearly dead.
 

DEREK
You could have dreamt about the after-life. About God. About the meaning of... of...
 

ALICE
Of what?
 

DEREK
Of all this crap.
 

His hand motions over the audience.
ALICE shakes her head.
 

ALICE
No. No need.
 

She yawns.
 

ALICE
Sleep is for recuperation. Nothing more.
 

VOICE 1
Nothing less.
 

ALICE looks about behind her, puzzled.
DEREK remains looking forward, angrily.
 

ALICE
Did you hear that dear?
 

DEREK
Yes. The wind.
 

VOICE 2
The wind?
 

DEREK
Of course it was the bloody wind; hollow and sad. It's not gonna be ghouls and goblins now is it?
 

He looks behind him, over the bench.
 

DEREK
There's no one around for miles.
 

Pause.
 

DEREK
That young seedy couple have gone. Off the map.
 

ALICE
Who's speaking to us then Derek? Who owns these other voices?
 

He looks at her, hard.
 

DEREK
Don't talk stupid woman. There's no voices other than mine and yours. No one around for miles.
 

He looks back over the bench.
 

VOICE 2
Miles?
 

DEREK looks back at ALICE.
 

DEREK
(Menacingly)
Yes. Miles.
 

ALICE
(Scared)
I didn't say anything love.
 

VOICE 1
Love? Don't talk to me about love.
 

Silence.
 

ALICE
There's a certain amount of venom in your voice that doesn't quite add up.
 

VOICE 1
But it would if my face were visible? If I were someone you could look upon as a friend? Or as a threat? A quiet cancer to your happiness?
 

DEREK
Stop talking bollocks, will ya darling. You're winding me up a little too often these days.

He grips the edge of the bench and leans forward. Begins rocking.
 

DEREK
(Muttering under his breath)
You don't want me to go back to the dark old times now do ya?
 

Silence.
 

ALICE
(Sadly)
Looks like clouds coming our way.
 

She points offstage towards the auditorium.
 

ALICE
That big grey one. Full of raindrops. (Sadly) Full of wet, wet tears.
 

DEREK
Christ, can tell yerve been going to your Monday night poetry classes can't ya. Picking up a thing or two off old Dyke Debbie are we?
 

ALICE
Please Derek, her name's Deborah, and she's... she's... Well, it's not even relevant as to what sexual orientation she belongs. She's a lovely teacher.
 

DEREK
Aye, I bet she is.
 

He leans forward, vulgarly cupping his hands and sticking his tongue in and out. (This lasts for longer than it should).
He reclines again, looking quite relaxed.
 

DEREK
I bet she bloody is.
 

VOICE 2
She may even be worth ten of you little Derek.
 

VOICE 1
(Rapidly)
Yes, maybe it would've been better for all concerned if Ma I'Anson had aborted little dozy Derek when she had the chance, up in that dirty little back alley off Saint Lukes that cold Winters morn eh?
 

DEREK stands up, spins around wildly.
He looks terrified.
 

DEREK
(Calling out loudly)
Alright! Come out! Who's there!?! Why you pestering me you... you... you dirty pests.
 

ALICE
Yes. Dirty pests, leave me and my husband alone. We wish to be alone. To gather our thoughts.
 

VOICE 2
Alone?
 

ALICE
Alone.
 

VOICE 1
Alone?
 

DEREK
(Venemously)
Alone!
 

VOICE 1 & 2
So be it.
 

Silence.
 

The couple look at each other for a long moment.

Simultaneously they turn in opposite directions.
 

A gust of wind blows more leaves onto the bench.
 

Light fades slowly.